i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Two words: blizzard sex
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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