cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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