shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
