is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
