You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
