Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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