if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
