Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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