Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
