i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize