R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
