all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We got so high we made milksteak
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
