Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
