I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
