have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
