So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
