So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
