How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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