We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
