Whoa Z and x make the same sound
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
