i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
