I'm sorry my penis didn't work
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
