Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
