Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
