Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dick very happy bro
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize