already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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