barbara walters just said penis...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
