how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize