This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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