Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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