The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
