Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
