I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
