dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
