he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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