I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
