I'm so fucking centered right now
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
