if you like me you must not know who I am
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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