My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish i was in the wii world.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
