You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
