Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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