Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm determined to sit on that face.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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