I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I could fuck to npr.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
