I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I want to be your penis for a week.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
