I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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