Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
