I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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