On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
