Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
