after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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