So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
