i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
