Sry I called you an 8
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
