All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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