I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
