shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
