she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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