I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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