I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
