We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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