He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
