I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
