I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
