The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
