I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
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