so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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