If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
