I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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