wakey wakey hands off snakey
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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