Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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