Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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