Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
