Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
