Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
