If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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