ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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