In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
