I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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