I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
