when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
