Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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