After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
