17 year olds will be the death of me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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