I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
