More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
