You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
