brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
