Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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