White coat. Heels.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
