I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
