party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
