your parents love me but you hate me
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I understand Curling. That high.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize