I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
