Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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