May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize