you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
