Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My liver is preforming stress tests.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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