am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
