I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
