Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
